Obrigada, 2018
Com 2018 a chegar ao fim, é tempo de fazer uma análise sobre tudo o que aconteceu ao longo do ano… e que ano! A míseros dias do fim, parece sempre que passou tudo a correr. Numa pequena introspeção, percebi que não foi bem assim. Até me apercebi que cada trimestre foi uma etapa diferente.
Antes de mais, quero explicar que o objetivo deste espaço nunca passou pelo seu uso a nível pessoal. Mas este merece.
Adeus, Calmaria.
O ano de 2018 começou calmo, sem pressas, envolto nas rotinas. Tinha poucos meses desde que tinha dado o passo de partilhar o teto com quem mais amo. Todos os medos que poderiam existir com esta decisão foram completamente dissipados ao longo do ano. Cada vez mais, sei que este Teto é o meu porto seguro, e que este Ser é o meu abrigo.
O meu trabalho, o dia-a-dia, com a sua fatalidade aborrecida, começou a consumir-me por dentro. Tinha já quase meio ano que ansiava por tomar uma decisão. Pesava sempre os dois lados. Tinha estabilidade, flexibilidade, bom ambiente, e acima de tudo, e, resumidamente, tinha trabalho. Com tantas pessoas à procura de emprego até parecia arrogante da minha parte sequer ponderar em deixar de o ter. Mas por outro lado, já não tinha motivação, já tinha conquistado o desafio e sentia-me incompleta.
Esta dualidade acompanhou-me durante meses, levou-me a lágrimas várias vezes, e não fazia ideia de como avançar. No fundo, a decisão já estava tomada. Mas penso que só estava à espera de uma desculpa. Algo que me deixasse de tal maneira chateada que perdesse a cabeça e viesse embora porque não havia açúcar para o café, por exemplo. Eu nem ponho açúcar no café, mas dá para entender o meu point.
Então aqui percebi que tinha apoio e amor incondicional, e que era tempo de arriscar, ainda sem certezas de nada. No dia que tornei a decisão oficial, dormi como um bebé! Foi como tirar um peso de cima, e respirar fundo novamente.
Olá, Aventura.
Estávamos em Abril e tinha apenas mais uns dias de trabalho pela frente. Acabava em grande com uma viagem por alguns países da Europa – com certeza falarei sobre isto mais à frente. Posso dizer que, para além da experiência incrível, sem dúvida, foi um marco de passagem importante. Não tive quebra repentina de rotina, e tudo fluiu naturalmente. Ainda não tinha enviado um único currículo para lado nenhum. Ainda não tinha dado nenhum passo para nenhuma direção. Mas sabia que estava na direção certa.
Sempre senti necessidade disto, e estaria a mentir se não dissesse que já tinha inclusive vários pontos decididos – sendo um deles o nome: OhKey.OhMy!.
O universo alinhou-se para me dar a oportunidade de dar vida a um sonho, e eu arregacei as mangas. Vivi na mentira durante quase 5 meses, e logo eu que sou tão boa a mentir…, mas não contei nada a ninguém. Foquei toda a minha energia nisto e é com muito orgulho que sorrio cada vez que falo neste projeto.
Family First.
Há uma daquelas frases cliché que diz que “família é onde a vida começa e o amor nunca acaba” – e nunca senti tanto isto, como ao longo deste ano. Com toda esta mudança, tive sempre o apoio dos meus humanos comigo e fico de coração cheio ao pensar em alguns momentos.
Fiz uma roadtrip pela costa com o meu irmão e os nossos respetivos. Consegui, ao fim de tanto tempo, levar a minha mãe de férias. Festas, jantares, festivais, convívios… não só com a Família, mas com aqueles (F)amigos que começam com um F maiúsculo mudo, de Família também.
Por falar nisso, 2018 foi também o ano em que descobri que vou ser tia. Não de sangue, mas de coração. Cada vez que alguém diz “tenho uma coisa para contar”, surge sempre a pergunta “estás grávida?”. Desta vez a resposta foi SIM, e explodimos todos de alegria. É incrível… ter uma amiga com quem passei tão bons momentos, que está prestes a dar vida a um novo ser…. É o começo de uma nova etapa. O começo de uma nova vida, e eu não podia estar mais contente por continuar a fazer parte dela. Ainda nem nasceu e já é o menino mais mimado do mundo.
Girl Power.
Com tanta coisa a acontecer, pensamos:
“Bem, que ano! Já faltam poucos dias para acabar, posso preocupar-me só com o que comer e que presentes dar a cada quem.” Mas é assim que a vida nos prega partidas.
Apesar de já ter tido várias amigas, que com o passar dos anos vamos perdendo contacto, este último grupo tem sido diferente. Mesmo estando a vários quilómetros de distância, estamos sempre unidas.
Uma delas apareceu mais tarde, e tem vindo a marcar a sua posição. Sem dúvida que se tem revelado cada vez mais importante para mim, e tem sido uma das quais passo mais tempo. É raro um fim de semana que não estejamos juntas; é raro um dia que não me marque em memes; é mesmo difícil não ter sempre um assunto com ela no WhatsApp. Portanto, mais do que amiga, tem sido companheira e confidente. É talvez a pessoa mais chata que conheço. Super picuinhas. Nunca pode simplesmente beber uma cola ou uma cerveja, como toda a gente. Obriga sempre o empregado a dizer a lista toda, a verificar tudo e fazer três viagens de confirmação para depois beber uma água. Enfim… Ela é assim, eu sei disso, e mesmo assim não a troco por nada.
Nem há um mês, apareceu-me meia assustada porque ia fazer uma cirurgia para retirar um nódulo do peito. O medo dela era mesmo só a operação. Nunca tinha sido operada, nem tão pouco partido algum osso ou levado pontos. E sejamos sinceros, os hospitais assustam toda a gente. Dei-lhe força e apoio, sempre convencidas que ficaria por ali. Entretanto passaria os 15 dias de baixa, e voltaria tudo ao normal. Até ao dia em que recebi a notícia. Foi como se me tirassem um tapete dos pés e batesse com força com a cara no chão. Fiquei dormente as primeiras horas. Depois doeu muito e como ela diz “meu olho suou”.
Antes da operação escrevi-lhe “O amor cura tudo, e o nosso está todo contigo”. E tem estado, e melhor que tudo, crescido visivelmente a cada dia que passa. Não só de todos nós para ela, mas o dela connosco. Não tem como não me emocionar quando a ouço a dizer: “estou bem, estou muito feliz e sinto que todo o mal já saiu de mim”. Sinto um orgulho enorme em ter este exemplo de força na minha vida. Vê-la a rir, com os olhos brilhantes e feliz, dá-me força a mim.
Continuam a existir as gargalhadas e parvoíces, não nos deixamos vencer. E este bicho mau escolheu muito mal o adversário. Esta luta já está ganha. Ainda temos pela frente algumas batalhas, e sabemos que não será fácil, mas estou desde já agradecida pela sua rápida recuperação.
Obrigada, 2018.
O ano em que me despedi. O ano em que nasceu a OhKey.OhMy!. O ano em que descobri que vou ser tia. O ano em que descobri que tenho amigas guerreiras.
Muitos sorrisos. Muitas lágrimas. Muitas vezes a sentir-me a rastejar no chão. Mas sempre com força para me levantar e cada vez mais alto.
Obrigada, 2018! Só tenho motivos para agradecer, só tenho motivos para o encarar como o melhor até agora. 2019, podes vir com força.
Depois deste, estou preparada para tudo!
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